Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
