So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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