I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
