I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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