Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
