I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
