Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
