Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
