I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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