I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I currently don't understand fingers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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