So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
