We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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