Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
