I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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