I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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