I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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