Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
