Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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