all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
