i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
