The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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