I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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