New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
