if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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