He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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