he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
