frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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