theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
