I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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