no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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