Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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