maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
