Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
