i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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