I wish I only lived at night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
