The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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