I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
