p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize