its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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