I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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