my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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