I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
