Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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