If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This toilet bowl is my home.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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