Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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