I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
