so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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