Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if only i could text you this smell
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize