6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
