That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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