You're my little dorito
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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