I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
