So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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