I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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