your parents love me but you hate me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
