You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
