the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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