this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
