just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
