they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
