so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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