Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
