I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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