Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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