pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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