Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to align my fucking chakras
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
