Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
