I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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