I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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