Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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