you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
