East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
