He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
