apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
