Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
