You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
