This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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