The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
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