Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
