this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
