apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
