if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
