He kissed a someone with a penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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