Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
