Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
