Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
