think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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