I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
