Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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