My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
