Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
