i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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