I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My dad is sitting where you rode me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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