Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
