i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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