WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love you.
Bad choice
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
