so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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