Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
