Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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