yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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