I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
