She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
