I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
