No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
