he thought i was a dude.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
