just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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