I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
