I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
