tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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