she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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