office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can't just leave with hair like that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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