Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So much Jack, so little girl.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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