the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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