Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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