She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
