I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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