Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
