They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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