I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize