i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
